Just the stupid facts.
I, as you should know by now, am Johnathan Arthur Carsweeper.
I was born on May 22nd, 1972 to Mary and Josef Carsweeper.
 
I spent the first five months of my life in Shire, Ohio.
My childhood, though I have few complaints, was spent mostly going between houses in different states/cities.
My father, an architect, was an in-demand new age artist and his family was forced to move about the country with him.
 
I mostly went to private schools and never really had a steady group of friends.
I have few complaints.
 
I went to Oxford University and majored in Business or Something.
Immediately out of college, I could not find a good job.
I was hired by Megalom Corp. roughly three years after graduation and have been employed there since.
 
I still cannot find a good job.
 
 
Everyday is the same.
 
This was my cubicle, until now.
I now have an office.
 
 
The people I know.
 
This is Stella Marie Sonette.
We dated for a few weeks and then she found out I live in my car.
Now she is my secretary.  Imagine that!
Here is a picture of Stella from when she was in high school.
 
This is Mel Appeloog.
He is my goofy boss.  He gives me promotions for doing nothing.
He also owns Quake, one of my favorite games.
 
This is Phil Pennington.  He is an asshole.
He thinks he's just some normal guy that anyone can get along with,
but he's always ruining things for me and he damn well knows it.
 
This is Grant Bewilder, a stupid rich kid.
He was an intern for me for roughly a day, then I got rid of him because
he was being a stupid little snot.
 
This is Anthony Varcic.
He and I often play Quake one-on-one.
 
This is Mark Andras.
He is kind of dumb, but at least he's not a jerk like Phil Pennington.
 
 
Life in the fastlane!
Some people say having an office job takes a lot out of you.
I say it doesn't put enough in me.
I earn about $40,000 in one year now.
Before that, I did not earn enough money to maintain a home and
therefore had to live in my car.
 
Some people say working in cubicles is liking working in a beehive.
I would have to agree, and I should also point out that I have never had the privilege of being a drone,
one of the select few chosen to make the eggs of the future.  Whatever.
 
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